I do not claim to believe the following information. Yet I do not claim not to believe the following information. I am simply a messenger, conveying info that was shared with me …

In approximately 1991 I was working at a healing center near Chicago which served Alzheimer’s Disease and Parkinson’s Disease patients. At the time, former President Ronald Reagan was experiencing dementia. In an effort to reverse the condition, Reagan’s medical team considered every alternative. One was the clinic where I worked part-time (administration). To test the effectiveness of the clinic’s proposed treatment (intermittent injections of Chorionic Gonadatropin, Estrogen, Testosterone, etc.), Reagan sent two of his pals who were experiencing early symptoms of similar dysfunction (short-term memory loss, etc.). He sent two pilots … the pilot of Reagan’s plane (I have forgotten his name – possibly Bill/Tom Paynter/Painter?) and former Astronaut Gordon Cooper. “Gordo” was played by Dennis Quaid in the film “The Right Stuff”. Cooper was the (final?) astronaut to fly solo in space, during the Mercury Space Program. He piloted Mercury9 and Gemini5. He held the then-record for most circles of the circumference of the Earth. In the film he’s portrayed as a young hot-shot — (“hot dog”) was his nickname.  Quick-witted, bright, capable.

When I met Astronaut Cooper, he was likely in his sixties. He appeared as he was described in the film — funny and obviously extremely smart. In a conversation he described himself “a good Christian” — he mentioned this to infer that he was of sound mind (not a stereotypical California “fruitcake/wacko” — sorry to Californians who read this!!!!); this was a preface to the statements (shortly following) that he would voluntarily share with me … He was DEFINITELY of sound mind. NO DOUBT. He was a close friend of Reagan (not that this notarizes one’s IQ or stability of mind) and, if memory serves me, was actively involved with an engineering firm in Southern California.  He was dressed in casual business attire.  On all accounts he seemed to be a razor-sharp guy — which one would anticipate when meeting a former member of America’s highest-performing elite — the astronauts.

The two pilots were at the clinic (near Chicago) for approximately one week. Each day they received injections of a combination of the three aforementioned meditations. They would walk the hallways, noting how they felt. Obviously this was exceptionally b-o-r-i-n-g for them. I, too, was bored at the clinic, pushing paper. By Friday afternoon it seemed that Mr. Cooper had had enough of the treatment. As the only people working in the office were myself, a physician and an attorney (whom I assisted), Mr. Cooper’s alternatives for conversation were slim. He entered my stark office at 4 p.m. on Friday afternoon.  He took a quick look at the barren walls and stack of documents that I was sifting through. He asked what I was doing. I quickly told him. He asked if I liked what I was doing. I told him that I wasn’t into it. He then said words that I will never forget.  “Andy, I’m going to share a bit of information that you may find interesting” [paraphrase] … presumably his goal was to brighten the slow-moving Friday afternoon. I told him that I doubted he could tell me anything that I hadn’t heard (or read) before. He assured me that his information was fresh although hearsay as mostly from second-hand sources (who were dear friends of his and thereby whom he believed to be 100 percent credible). Although I still had quite a bit of work to do, I stopped, turned and said “go for it” … [Careful what you ask for!]

Without hesitation he said that NASA is hiding an incredible amount of information from the public, to prevent mass hysteria. The info, of course, regards the existence of UFO’s, extraterrestrial life, etc. In retrospect, the info that he shared was identical to what he stated in UFO Magazine a year after our inadvertent meeting — with the exception that he told me more than what he shared in the subsequent interview.

In a nutshell, he said that he his first encounter with UFO’s (hundreds of varied sizes – for a day and a half) was in Germany in the 1951. He was at an airbase, on the ground, when a “squadron of flying disks” silently flew above at high altitude. He and other aviators jumped into their fighters and flew as quickly as possible to catch the UFO’s — but the ET’s were too fast. I don’t recall specific details. He said that UFO’s definitely exist. Not maybe. That ET’s definitely exist … and are among us on Earth. That the USofA government has met with ET’s. The ET’s have shared UFO technological information with the government.  Not maybe. He said other things – that I believe he told me in confidence, so I will not share these details.  But, suffice it to say, he absolutely, unequivocally stated that ET’s exist. He stated that a scientist-friend boarded a UFO near White Sands, New Mexico — and flew around the perimeter of the USofA in an hour (10,000 miles per hour). He said the craft was as-though electromagnetically-propelled and that the the “g-force” (gravitational force) aboard the UFO was 0.25 g’s (whereas Earth’s gravitational force is 1.0 g) — hence our atmosphere is more dense to what these particular ET’s were accustomed to. He said that an ET was living in the home of the scientist, I seem to recall near White Sands,  for approximately a year, before it could adapt to Earth’s dense gravitational pull.

FYI On U-Tube Mr. Cooper also talks about  a second encounter with UFO’s in 1957, when he saw a UFO land (on 3-leg tripod landing gear apparatus). This incident was filmed near Edwards Air Force Base. He also describes the experience of a friend who was flying a commercial airliner that was being trailed by a UFO which flew near its wing. Astronaut Cooper wrote a letter to the UN (Kurt Waldheim) to establish a committee regarding evidence of UFO’s. Of course his request was quietly denied.

I do not claim to believe any of the information that he shared. Yet I will not say I do not believe what he shared.  Again, I am simply a messenger — conveying info that was shared with me.

The point of this case study is to examine leadership. The Tao Te Ching, a 2,500 year old book of 84 short paragraphs, describes leaders in the following manner:

1) The best leader leads so efficiently and effectively leads that her employees don’t realize they’re being led, and do what the leader intends that they do, seemingly without instruction (i.e., the system is so efficient that the leader need not interact with employees).

2) The next best leader is loved.

3) The next best leader is respected.

4) The next (worse) leader is feared.  Managing by fear doesn’t work in the long-run.

5) The next (worst) leader is despised.  World dictators cannot sustain themselves or their systems in the long-run.

I intended to be Leader #1 with the crew I inherited by simply allowing them to do what they’d been doing  during their  preceding seven years of service aboard the tallship. So I gave them full autonomy. I assumed they were doing their jobs. But, unfortunately, as I learned more about my job as captain of the schooner, I recognized that the pre-existing crew were neither 100% efficient nor effective. So I found that, to promote our top-priority of utmost safety for all passengers (and crew), that I had to step in and suggest new policies with regard to sailing policies (for example — keeping tighter rein on the mainsail sheets and foremast sheets — which control movement of the massive wooden “booms” that can swing above deck if not otherwise tightly controlled). The crew was not happy with this decision — as, in my opinion, they had lost sight of the forest for the trees (and as this would require them to do an extra step), and failed to recognize that tighter control of the booms (and other systems) was necessary to promote the highest standard of physical safety and psychological comfort for passengers (and crew).

So, the (soon-to-be-former) 2011 crew – again which had been aboard the boat for many years, didn’t like the idea of the new guy (me — even though I was both owner and an experienced commercial captain) telling them how to sail “their” vessel. They argued every time I made a suggestion (this is unheard of as, essentially, a ship is run using a military-esque chain of command). At times I could hear them talking s**t behind my back. At the conclusion of the season, all preceding crew (except volunteer crew) were either terminated or simply not invited to return for the 2012 season.

The question is … why did I terminate all 2011 employees?  The answer is simple. I knew that I preferred to follow the guidance of the Tao Te Ching with regard to leadership. I PREFERRED TO BE LEADER #1, #2 or #3. In other words, I would lead so effectively that the crew didn’t know they were being led (#1), or I would be loved and thereby an effective leader #2), or I would lead using respect as “glue” with crew (#3). But, I REFUSED TO BE LEADER #4 OR #5 — i.e., I refused to lead using fear-instilling tactics (#4) or using even more harsh tactics (#5). The pre-existing employees would not simply do their jobs to a high standard (without guidance), did not love me (they loved the former captain who was like a father-figure to them — and let them drink aboard the boat after shifts), and did not respect me (their naive arrogance) — so the only way they could be led would be through fear-instilling tactics and worse. In other words – the former crew could be led only by Leaders #4 or #5, not by Leaders #1, #2 or #3. And I refused to use leadership style #4 or #5 — so the crew was a bad fit. So, rather than become an ineffective leader in the long-run (using fear or worse to motivate crew), I terminated them.  I immediately promoted (hired) pre-existing volunteers (regardless of skill-level they had a great attitude) and during the course of the following winter, numerous experienced tallship deckhands contacted me of their own accord (I did not place an advertisement). Thus far the 2012 crew seems to be self-motivated and effective, such that I am using leadership styles #1 (and seemingly a progressive influx of leadership styles #2 and #3). So far so good!

Red Witch’s 2012 crew is comprised of amazing people — great attitudes, high skill, interesting creative backgrounds and, moreso, great chemistry between all members of the Red Witch team! Join us for a sail and you will see for yourself …

Initial Compatibility

Is the Bait …

The succulent qualities that draw us

Toward the ever-so anticipated aspects of relationship

That we consciously know

Will deliciously engage the senses.

***

Shadow Compatibility

Is the Trap …

The unforeseen lessons

That always follow

Once engaged in relationship
(For at least ninety days).

This is the miracle of relationship

The very reason for relationship –

The unforeseen forum

Where unresolved issues are revealed

And healed.

***

Transcendent Compatibility

Is the outcome …

The enhanced capacity to love

More purely

More deeply

And ultimately,

Unconditionally.

The three phases of relationship are Initial Compatibility, Shadow Compatibility and Transcendent Compatibility. The process of relationship is described in books entitled Conscious Relationship (detailed explanation) and Encyclopedia Of The Tao: A-to-Z (introductory explanation).

Initial Compatibility is the glue that brings the parties to a relationship together (on an emopsychenergetic level). This is the consciously-perceived attractiveness of the other person. In romantic, business, friendship and acquaintanceship, a person’s physical, emotional, intellectual and\or spiritual nature may draw us to become emotionally/psychenergetically connected to them. – a initial process that ensues for approximately ninety days (sometimes referred to as the “honeymoon” phase of relationship).

Then, as described in Conscious Relationship, at approximately ninety days into any relationship (wherein there is relatively continual contact/communication), a natural process begins as the parties to the relationship subtly or not-so-subtly may become emotionally/psychenergetically-reactive in response to the cues (emotional/psychenergetic subconscious triggering) of the other. In technical terms, the shadow aspect of the egoic personality reveals itself (from the depths of the subconscious mind). In other words, specific aspects of the personality of each person ‘trigger’ the unresolved aspects of the other person’s personality to feel a bit uncomfortable (or very uncomfortable!) and … react. Note that this is the primary purpose of relationship – to dig up buried emotional/psychenergetic gunk … i.e., one’s unresolved issues. The discomfort experienced due to triggering is a miracle – as it again allows us to feel what ‘feelings’ prior to those that, in a prior relationship, we buried – and so didn’t heal. Recall that “to heal we must reveal” (i.e., un-bury) unresolved issues (i.e., wounds). We must again feel similar feelings to those buried – to heal (similar to how a pimple must surface to heal – sorry for the course analogy). As described earlier, this is the very purpose of relationship – to serve as a magnifying glass beneath which unresolved emotions/psychenergies reveal themselves … so we can resolve these energies (i.e., heal) this time around – unlike before where we simply buried the unresolved feelings – and thereby evolve! Shadow Compatibility is the process of mutually triggering one another to reactivity and thereafter mutually gaining self-awareness within oneself through interaction with the other party such that both parties to the relationship – together and individually – resolve their freshly revealed (i.e., un-buried) issues – i.e., emotional reactivities – that were dug up by the mechanism of relationship. Personal evolution of each party may develop given emotional/psychenergetic work both as a couple and individually. The term “shadow compatibility” specifically describes the condition in which the two individuals work with one another to mutually evolve (as opposed to merely separately gaining self-awareness from their dynamic).

The third and final phase of relationship, Transcendent Compatibility, occurs in most complete (purest) form when following Shadow Compatibility (which naturally follows Initial Compatibility). Transcendent Compatibility is the manifested capacity to really love (i.e., to love as though unconditionally). Recall that a functional definition of love is, effectively, supporting another on their highest path (in every situation … always). To do so, to purely love, we must purely love ourselves and, paradoxically, we must be able to purely focus upon the highest path of the other. The phase of Initial Compatibility consciously and, arguably moreso, subconsciously, draws us closer and closer to another person – who holds a key to our evolution (a\k\a self-healing), as they have the unique ability to trigger us (both consciously and, again moreso, subconsciously) so we can innately un-bury previously unresolved emotion and psychenergies from the depths of the subconscious mind. Then the the protocol of Shadow Compatibility, the fundamental mechanism through which we heal previously buried emotion kicks in… so we may ultimately heal and evolve (a/k/a gain self-awareness). From the perspective of ego, the process of Shadow Compatibility seems like a trap – it’s the grunt work of relationship … not fun … yet essential to our evolution. The process of Shadow Compatibility releases us from hair-trigger emotional reactivity, as it releases unresolved emotional patterns. The clouds of interpersonal reactivity dispelled, we can now more fully love ourselves … and another. We can now more effortlessly engage in Transcendent Compatibility, the act of supporting another on their highest path. The act of loving in the highest way. The act of loving without condition.

Andrew

Energy (Hindu—prana, Chinese—chi and shen) is most easily assimilated through simpler ways of being—such as exposure to fresh air, sunlight, bathing in seawater, and ingestion of vegetable and nut food groups.  Lack of energetic vitality results from inappropriate conditions of living—including inappropriate thought focus and misuse of food.

The ancients discovered that there is a direct correlation between the potency of prana (energetic fluids) and the ability of an individual to become more sensitive (attuned) to progressively ethereal energies. To this effect, an esoteric group of Tibetans proposed that those casually engaged in the quest for enhanced self-awareness may eat whatever foods they so choose, including meat—until such time as the individual begins to experience, and pursue, ever-heightening self-awareness.  As one becomes more sensitive certain restrictions to diet may be helpful.  The progressively sensitive person might consider a vegetarian diet.

The esoteric Tibetans claim that this rule may not be violated once a certain juncture on the path (of personal evolution) is achieved.  Vegetables, grains, fruits, and nuts are suggested fare.  Eggs and cheese may be included in the diet—however, these may hinder those in the process of developing psychic abilities; hence, no eggs and minimal cheese are advised.  The Tibetans classify milk and butter under a separate grouping such that they may be consumed.

As an example, the esoteric ancient Tibetans believe that those who have maintained a long-term, strict vegetarian diet may effectively engage in extrasensory activity.  Specifically, they believed that only individuals who were strictly vegetarian for ten years could effectively read the Akashic Record (an aspect of what Carl Jung described as the collective conscious—an energetic record of history).  They felt that these are the only restrictions regarding diet.

Other attributes that profoundly affect the physical aspect of the bodymind are common sense and senses of compassion, humor and faith.  The esoteric Tibetans felt that these are our greatest assets.  Common sense understands that progress takes time—it is seldom instantaneous.  Thus, common sense recognizes that a shift of diet and other aspects of one’s routine take time.  Compassion alleviates our beating up on ourselves when we fall off the wagon, and should elimination of inappropriate foods take longer than we hope.  The esoteric Tibetans claim that abstinence from meat, nicotine and alcohol, when aligned with a relatively disciplined life, will induce the Pineal Gland to highest endocrine/energetic function, furthering higher connection.  Paradoxically, note that unless the intention behind maintenance of a vegetarian diet is in accordance with one’s (higher) path, then the aforementioned diet is of little use; in other words, if someone does not eat meat only because they do not like the flavor of meat, their intention of vegetarianism is not in accord with the spirit of vegetarianism, which honors animal life, and thereby such intention does not further personal self-awareness (evolution).

Fresh air, sunlight, minimized stress, and positive thoughts help to create a healthy physical body (bodymind). Fresh air carries negative ions with reductive (anti-oxidant) properties.  Body-centered breathing profoundly enhances the energy of the physical body [see Voice of the Soul: A Call to Action].

The energy of the sun may be safely harnessed to vitalize our energy by using specific safe methods (e.g., a qi gong blinking method described by Mantak Chia).  Minimization of stress helps the body in obvious ways.  Positive thought is essential to the efficient functioning of the human body (and energetic system).  Positive thought may be bolstered by silent and/or spoken affirmations and indirectly supported by energetic disciplines (such as yoga, qi gong, meditation, and conscious creative expression).  The Taoists believe that what we focus upon in the moment is all that we are, for the present moment is all that exists.  Focus upon positivity begets affirmative physical manifestation.

Patience is the ultimate test of faith.

When impatience strikes you

Can you immediately trust

that you will always be given

precisely what your soul needs

In every moment

for its (most efficient) evolution?

For faith is precisely this knowing.

Or when impatience strikes

Do you succumb to ego’s limited vision

Which believes in lack

And so has no faith

that you will always be given precisely what you need?

Patience is automatic

When one has faith.

Impatience is automatic

When one lacks faith.

***

 Rushing ahead

 We do not go far

We do not succeed

We miss the natural rhythm

We block natural order’s (God’s) will and cadence

And fail to learn

One of the Tao’s three greatest lessons**,

the lesson of patience.

Can you be still as long as it takes to experience the mud (in your mind) settling to the bottom of psyche’?  What does this mean?  Our conscious and subconscious contain energetic impurities.   When we quiet (i.e., transcend) the mind, through meditation, we allow impurities to release, rendering clarity.

Life is easy when everything’s going your way.  But, when the chips are down, can you remain patient—i.e., do you maintain complete faith and thereby neither worry nor try to rush a desired outcome?  Or do you notice you become impatient?  Impatience and intolerance are classic symptoms of a closed heart chakra (in traditional Chinese medicine). So, patience requires an open heart. Which is fueled by faith.  So, patience requires faith.  Faith that higher power will provide what we truly need (which may vary from egoic desires).  Higher power knows exactly what we need, and will present us with exactly that—so we may learn the precise lesson commensurate with our juncture in life.

The Tao Te Ching states that the three great virtues are simplicity, compassion and  . . . patience.  Typically the more significant the lesson, the more challenging the tests for mastery.  Patience requires an open heart—empowered by faith.  Faith that we will receive exactly what we need, and thus we can trust in higher power (eternally).  So, patience is the ultimate test of faith.

Since faith is perhaps the ultimate lesson, and patience is a challenging test of faith, many life processes are designed to be S – L – O – W, so as to require patience.  Change is S – L – O – W by design, to present tests of patience and, thereby faith. If we could manifest everything we desired instantly, we would not be presented with an opportunity to master the lesson of patience.

Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself (via unforced natural order)?  Can you sit still, in the face of impatience, all the while trusting higher power to provide precisely what you need—but on higher power’s time schedule (which is designed to test our patience!)?  In other words, can you practice non-action (See the section entitled Action—Non-Action) in the face of adversity, trusting that if you merely do work to raise your  state of consciousness, that you will magnetically attract the precise lesson (including props in the form of specific people, objects and events) that you need at this precise time to evolve?

** Note that according to the Tao Te Ching, the three Great Virtues (lessons) are mastery of compassion, simplicity and … patience!

The body holds only answers

Intuition is held in the body

One’s gut feeling.

Always trust your intuition.

Until intuition is clear and strong

Do your work

Breathe consciously, drink much water

move your body daily, create in the highest way.

Eventually

(likely within 90 days)

Intuition will be clear.

Then go with the whisper of intuition

(and dreams and synchronicity).

And yet

there are no bad decisions.

It’s simply that some decisions

are less efficient than others

with regard to promoting your personal transformation (evolution).

All roads ultimately lead to the same place as all roads teach life’s lessons. Yet specific roads more efficiently (quickly) support our evolution. What is most important is simply to make a choice. Take a reasonable amount of time to gain clarity regarding the pluses and minuses of options. If the options seem equally beneficial—it doesn’t matter which option you select. Then, once reasonably clear, don’t dawdle or procrastinate—make a decision and go for it. Give it all you’ve got!

Once a decision has been made, and you’ve committed to that path, know that other doors of (appropriate) opportunity will open as you proceed (when appropriate). Why is this? Because the Tao knows precisely what lessons you need to master for your most efficient evolution. The Tao will provide the props of experience (appropriate people, objects and events) that will help you to learn whatever life lessons you need to master for your personal evolution.

In other words, simply stated, other doors of opportunity will open down the road—regardless of which road you select. So . . . all roads lead to the same place (i.e., evolution, self-awareness and, ultimately, self-mastery) — although some paths may be more efficient. In the long-run, it doesn’t matter what you choose. Why does it not matter whether or not the path selected is the most efficient? In theory, the ancient Eastern cultures (and other cultures) believed that we live as many lifetimes as necessary to master life lessons — so time is not of the essence. It simply matters that you do choose—and then pursue that path. The Tao will do the rest (i.e., present alternative doors of opportunity if necessary for your evolution, after you have made an initial selection/decision). Such understanding of the Tao is . . . faith – the knowing that you will always be given precisely what you need for your evolution.

Note: it is easiest to make a decision regarding the most efficient path to evolution if you are present (i.e., focused upon the present moment). See the Chapter entitled “Presence” in Encyclopedia of the Tao: A-to-Z. For further explanation and a 90-day program designed to support presence, see Voice of the Soul: A Call to Action.

Once intuition is clear, trust it. Always. Listen to your inner guidance.

So recognize that whatever you express, beyond objective fact,

Will not be fully received

Until the passage of 90 days into the relationship.

Hence, the power of gradually building relationships,

And an initial soft-sell

Predicated upon … patience.

Once trust is established at a subconscious level

Transactions occur most efficaciously

With reduced resistance

And least effort.

 
Ancient cultures recognized patterns that contemporaries seldom notice. One such pattern regards all interpersonal relationships. The 90-Day Rule specifies that relationships change at approximately ninety days (given reasonably continual communication). Note that the rule applies to both platonic and romantic relationships. At 90 days, you will likely notice a shift in the relationship – more specifically, a change in how you and the other party react and relate. Anticipate this shift. Understand that the foundation of the shift is … trust – at a subconscious level. With regard to the context of business transactions, this is the juncture beyond which you can more freely express – push to close the deal, etc.

The logic and mechanism of the 90-Day Rule is described in the book entitled Conscious Relationship.

A barometer of fear is the inverse of the strength of one’s faith. Compromised faith promotes fear. A heightened sense of faith diminishes fear.

We must step through fear … to attain a sense of happiness/joy/bliss. We are all tested. No one is immune from this prescription.

• Everything changes—except the Absolute (i.e., natural order, God, etc.). Everything is impermanent. Thus, she who is flexible and accepts change is a disciple of life. She who is rigid and resists change is a disciple of death.

Change is a great catalyst of transformation

As it pushes us into the ocean of uncertainty

The great teacher

Of Faith

Of Patience

Of Courage

• Change takes time. Profound and lasting personal transformation (i.e., inner change) takes time. The Ninety-Day Rule (see the chapter entitled Timing) specifies that profound and lasting change at the level of the subconscious mind and energetic template—the Antahkarana—takes at least ninety days. Why is it best that intended change takes time—rather than being instantaneous? Because if we could change things as we always preferred, immediately, we would never need to learn the lesson of patience—as we would never need to wait for anything. Note that patience is one of the three great virtues espoused by the Tao (along with simplicity and compassion). Graceful change requires mastery of patience.
• Change teaches faith. Patience is the ultimate test of faith. Patience is effortless if we accept that change is good and will lead to a positive outcome on some level (be it physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual). To maintain such an optimistic perspective of change, we must have faith that we will be given exactly what we need, exactly when we need it (with regard to our highest evolution). The functional definition of faith is knowing that we are always perfectly provided for. Mastery of the lesson of graceful change requires mastery of faith.
• Change teaches courage. To master change requires mastery of courage. Courage is defined as not allowing fear and doubt to thwart one’s progress on an appropriate path. Courage inspires stepping through profound fear and doubt to accomplish an appropriate goal. Mastery of the lesson of graceful change requires mastery of courage.

Change is a catalyst of transformation. Without change, we feel relatively comfortable—as conditions are temporarily certain. It is not atypical to be driven to change when externalities trigger our inner emotional reactivity (fear, anger, sadness and/or worry).

• In summation, change of external circumstances pushes us into uncertainty. External uncertainty activates doubt, worry, fear, anger and/or anxiety (a combination of worry and anger). These feelings of emotion can seem quite powerful. Yet, if we so choose, our mentality—mental strength—can override even the most acute emotional discomfort. This is courage—the motivation to step through fear (and other stagnant emotionality). Courage is the choice to do it anyway. Only faith can cause us to summon the courage to step down the uncertain corridor. Faith in higher guidance and the probability of a preferred outcome may inspire us to move through change regardless how uncertain (and uncomfortable). Faith inspires patience. The soul is infinitely patient, as it maintains eternal faith—the soul is eternally aware that we are always taken care of; a/k/a we are always given precisely what we need in any given moment (to learn appropriate lessons). In contrast, the ego demands instant gratification (i.e., is acutely impatient) as it holds not an iota of faith. Patience is the ultimate test of faith as only s/he who has faith may master the lesson of (graceful) patience. Change, a leap into the unknown, is a great teacher as it helps us to master essential life lessons (patience, courage, faith, release of emotional reactivity . . . and more).

The plug was pulled on life-support 2 days ago

A great man

He unknowingly saved my life 27 years ago

Thank you for your love, support, belief and trust, my friend

I will miss you (a lot!)

Our paths subconsciously converged in August of 1979. when frosh Jim Calamito (soon-to-be “Mito”) was assigned to a bunk in room number 304 in Umrath Hall, the same room that I was assigned as a freshman in 1976, at Washington University (pronounced by locals as “Warsh U in St. Louis, Mizoorah”).

We didn’t formally meet until a few months later, in October of 1979, when Mito pledged at fraternity Beta Theta Pi, of which I was a member. He asked me to be his pledge-father (yes, a ridiculous concept). For the record, I never learned the secret handshake or song — it was simply a cheap place to live as it was the first frat house built west of the Mississippi River; it was destined to be condemned the following year — so we could rip it up without consequence! Its inhabitants were amazing fellas who quickly helped corrupt freshmen pledges! Note that Harold Ramis — the writer of the infamous film “Animal House” attended Warshington U (he was a member of  Zeta Beta Tau fraternity). Supposedly the film was inspired, in part, by the Beta house — as there was a photo of Ramis floating about in the house…. of course take this with a grain of salt as every frat in the late-70′s made the same claim.  Soon after the guys met Mito we realized that he was   a very special guy. He was a wicked athlete – a lightning-fast, lean, mean, strong, smart rugby player (the only white guy consistently faster than me). He always had an edge — perhaps it was the quiet intensity and fast pace of his NYC background. Perhaps it was his love of motorcycles … as he was a biker at heart.  Perhaps it was his innate understanding of big business — as he was raised by a father who owned a cosmetics factory in NY. For whatever reason, the guy had “IT”. Everyone loved and respected Mito. He befriended all of us immediately. Mito was elected president of the fraternity during his senior year (and captain of the rugby team). While Mito was a freshman, he and I went to a “The Who” concert in St. Louis.

My favorite Mito quotes were “Ralph (my nickname), never date anyone with more problems than you”. Also, “Ralph, attack the day”.

I didn’t really get to know Mito through the fraternity. We really met on a rugby pitch. After a couple games – essentially battles between bruised and bloodied warriors, , we realized there was kinship between us. Literally a blood bond. We went to ‘war’ together on rugby pitches around the midwest. Played in conditions so bad that one day I found myself face-down in a six-inch deep puddle on a field beneath a fallen scrum — could have drowned. Another time, one of Mito’s favorite memories that he would often refer to, was a game we played in St. Louis’ Forest Park’s Aviation Field which was played in driving rain at 35 degrees. It was so bad that one of the toughest men we’d ever known, senior Mike Holzknecht, a former defensive end on the WU football team and wrestler, didn’t return after half-time and, rather, hung up his rugby cleats for good. In retrospect Holtz was smart as guys blew out shoulders and other joints in the cold, damp conditions. (Note: Holtz would later become President of the Missouri Trial Lawyers’ Association and run for Missouri Senate … again, smart guy. Like Mito.) Even a couple months ago Mito reminded me of that game. He also reminded me of a game we played in deep snow (in which I scored a tri flying down the right sideline). Mito was a speedster. Scored many tri’s. Further, he studied and understood the nuances of the game. Later, during corporate international travels, he would observe the world’s greatest teams in their natural habitats. I have a green, yellow and white game ball that Mito gave me from South Africa.

After rugby games, we’d drink together with the opposing team until the wee hours. Typically post-game celebrations would begin on the rugby pitch and end in the Umrathskellar (“The Rat”), the only campus bar (where myself and other rugby players were the bartenders and bouncers … not difficult to understand why the Rat was in the red when we ran the place, and made much money the year after we graduated!).

I graduated from WU in 1980. In autumn of 1983, following the tragic death of my only sibling (Jonathan) I returned to Warsh U to take a night school course (organic chemistry) — partially to escape Chicago, where my bro passed, and partially to test myself to see if I was really ready for medical school, by challenging myself to taking organic chemistry at a highly-respected, mega-competitive school.  In the Fall semester of 1983 Mito was President of the Beta house. And he was Captain of the rugby team. Whereas I knew him somewhat years before, again mostly on rugby pitches and post-game parties, Mito and I now would have a much better opportunity to engage as I planned to serve as an active fraternity alumni, and as I agreed to serve as Coach of the rugby team.

On a particular evening Mito and I walked to the Rat for a beer or two. We sat at a usual table with a freshman who pledged as a Beta and who was on the rugby team. His name is Mike Tamarkin. Mike was a big, tough kid. Six-foot and perhaps 200 pounds. He played rugby in high school so had a leg up on other rookies on the rugby team. Unfortunately for Mike, he thought he was tougher than he was … After drinking a couple beers, Mito, Mike and I walked toward the Beta house. When we arrived, Mike challenged me to wrestle. He placed his arm around my back and tried to aggressively throw me to the ground. Rather, I threw a “wizard”, a wrestling move (as I had been a wrestler at WU). Mike hit the concrete patio with great force — nose first. He broke his nose. Blood was everywhere. In the kid’s defense, he laughed! That did impress me. In retrospect he told me it was the only time anyone ever broke his nose. In other words, I earned his respect – as he had earned my respect (by laughing after impact — a great trait for a rugby player). Mito observed the scuffle, shaking his head and laughing. After the 15-second battle I headed into the Beta house (to wash off blood). For whatever reason as the facts are a bit fuzzy (again – we’d had more than a couple beers, and had been in a quasi-fight moments before), Mito and I had a quick chat. I told him that Mossface (Kevin Gallagher) was getting married in Connecticut and that I planned to ride a motorcycle (from Chicago) to the wedding. Mito suggested I meet him after the wedding in Suffern, NY, his hometown, and we could ride north to Maine …

So, in May of 1984, I rode a vintage BMW boxer (R100) to Kev and Marge’s wedding. Admittedly I tried to talk Kevin out of marrying her. Of course I was a complete idiot – as they are happily married — best friends — thirty years later, with three great kids! After the wedding Mito joined me on his Yamaha XS 1100 — the biggest, baddest crotch-rocket (Japanese motorcycle) on the road at the time … of course — as Mito was a gearhead – loved muscle cars and, likely moreso, bikes. He told me his next bike, when he could afford it, would be a Harley.  Mito’s bike was much faster than mine, and he was a faster rider than me, so he led the way. We chose a path along the western shore of Lake Champlaign that would take us up to Plattsburg, NY. Then we planned to cross Lake Champlaign on a ferry, visit Burlington, then hop on Route 2 across Vermont and New Hampshire into Maine. We then planned to visit Bar Harbor (“Bah-Hahbah”). “Bah-hahbah became our inside-joke salutation. Whenever we called one another on the phone we said “bahhh” (rather than hello). Or I would leave a message with his then-secretary, stating it was Ralph from B.A.H Corporation.  Dumb, I know.

Approximately ten miles south of Plattsburg, Mito first, then I, ran into a negative-bank curve on a steep road that literally loomed within inches of the cliff high above Lake Champlaign. We hit the curve at 65 miles per hour. Our bikes were loaded down with gear (mine in garbage bags, Mito’s in an organized backpack), so the bikes were not as responsive as designed. Our warning system was simple — if Mito hit a bad patch of road he’d raise his arm so I knew something was imminent — so I could slow or otherwise avert the situation.  Just after Mito hit the negative-banked curve (wherein it was incredibly difficult to stay on a straight path around the curve and, as such, risked literally flying off the cliff into the lake), he raised his arm. But I couldn’t see his arm as the negative-bank was just after a hill. Mito survived the negative-bank and immediately parked his bike (likely to wipe off sweat and allow his rapid pulse to slow). I hit the bank and instantly I was on the right gravel side of the road, with my right lower-leg within an inch of the guardrail that protected cars from spilling over the cliff. I tried to slow the bike from 65 mph in a straight line on the gravel. Thankfully (understatement!) the bike tracked true. Thank you whomever designed the braking system on the BMW’s. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was covered in sweat. Mito ran back toward me asking me if I was okay.  Well, I was alive, limbs intact so, yes I guess I was okay. He then immediately said “Ralph, don’t look back [at the tracks I made in the gravel]. The first beer’s on me” referring to drinking a couple beers on the Plattsburg ferry, ten miles away.

We tipped a few beers on the ferry. I have my favorite photo of Mito on the ferry — sitting with his legs up on the handlebars of his bike, gazing off toward the lake, while chewing tobacco and drinking a beer. He looks like James Dean in the photo.  Yes, Mito was a badass biker. The real deal.  When we reached Burlington we rode our bikes through the south side of town where we found college kids, like us, partying in front of a large brick New England-style house. We had a bit of fun with them. So much so that we realized we could ride no further and so slept behind the house on patio furniture.  Note that I didn’t say this was a pretty story about us … Just the truth.  The following morning we awoke, refreshed but obviously not very clean (and likely smelling a bit like stale beer and gasoline). As we rode to town I realized that I loved this place as it was a mountain town situated on the shore of a gorgeous lake. I asked Mito if there was a medical school here. He didn’t know. So we rode toward campus to see if there was a med school. To our surprise, we learned there was a medical school, University of Vermont College of Medicine — apparently a highly-rated program. So we rode across the quadrangle on our heavily-laden motorbikes toward the Given Building. We parked the bikes just outside the door to the building and walked into the lobby of the med school. I announced to the receptionist that I’d like to interview for admission to the medical school. After immediately visually dismissing us – as obviously we weren’t wearing familiar attire (clean, crisp khakis and button-down shirt), she replied in the negative — suggesting we leave and subsequently call the Admissions Department. We turned to walk out when we heard a cheery voice. The voice belonged to Mr. Jim Bates, the then-Director of Admissions of the medical school. He laughed when he saw us — as we were carrying our helmets under our arms and, again, were dressed in road-weary clothing, with fresh beards. He asked where our ride originated. Jim said NYC. I said Chicago. He asked why were were at the medical school. I said I’d like to interview. Again he laughed. But, rather than dismiss us like the receptionist he then asked a few questions. He asked if I had studied a pre-medical curriculum and if I’d taken the MCAT’s exam. I replied in the affirmative with regard to both requirements. He asked for my scores. I told him. He then said two statements that I will never forget — first he asked that we follow him into his office, to interview!!  I motioned Mito to wait in the reception area … but then Mr. Bates made his second surprising statement – he said that Mito could sit next to me during the interview!!!! So Mito and I interviewed for admission into medical school!!

Our journey continued through New Hampshire, then Bar Harbor, Maine where we spent a couple days and had big fun! Mito’s  favorite quotes from Maine were “Eddie kicks”, referring to a guy on a white Harley whose girlfriend-waitress told us not to go near him as he’s a kick-fighter, and “What, no yachts?” – referring to a moment atop Cadillac Mountain in Acadia National Park  when Mito heard a well-dressed, presumably affluent New England gentleman make this statement. We then drove through a freak heat-wave down the east coast from Maine to Boston where I succumbed to heat-stroke (while riding I imagined I was a parrot on a perch, and nearly fell off the bike). Mito saw that I was nearly delirious and so led us to a pre-suburban plot named Miles Standish Park (the ugliest park in the world!). We camped there in our tent, situated at the end of a driveway — as the house had not yet been built. I recall that after dusk a concession truck appeared, offering food. Nice, hunh? Not! I felt like crap all night. Mito filled me with water and a bit of food. The next day we rode through NYC, Newark and down to Bradley Beach, NJ – where Mito had friends. We partied until 5 a.m. on the beach. I recall running tiny figure-eight’s on the beach as fast as we could … being ridiculous per the usual. The next morning, I abruptly awoke at 7 a.m. I woke Mito and asked if there was a telephone in the house. I hadn’t telephoned home in two weeks, and suddenly had the feeling that I’d best call home. I called my grandmother. She said my grandfather had just died – but was temporarily revived, and asked to see me.  Within a few minutes Mito and I engulfed food and rode off. We slapped high-five when my path veered west, toward Chicago — his path ran north back toward his hometown (again, Suffern, NY). I rode 1,000 miles overnight to see my grandfather. I arrived in Chicago the next morning. I walked into my grandfather’s hospital room at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. He perked up and with his blue eyes piercing through me said “you’ll be a great doctor”. Then he slipped away.  In retrospect, this death felt nothing like that of my brother 14 months earlier.

The point of this story is that when Mito and I left on our journey to Maine, I hadn’t smiled in a year – due to my brother’s death. I bought the motorcycle to try to break the unhappiness I felt inside. I planned the motorcycle trip with Mito to Kevin and Marge’s wedding as a self-dare. I had never traveled over the road on a bike. Although I knew of the risks, I felt that my year-long mourning’s unhappiness might be broken by such a rivoting challenge. The key to the trip was Mito. I wouldn’t have done the trip without his companionship, support and leadership. By the end of our two weeks together on the road (total trip mileage was 5,000 miles), I was smiling ear-to-ear. The challenge had accelerated the grieving process. I faced the fear of getting hurt on the road on a motorcycle. Mito helped me conquer that fear. And the pay-off was that again I could smile. Thanks to my wonderful, true friend Mito.

FYI Mito worked as a salesperson for Monsanto Corporation after earning a business degree at Warsh U. He then married Heidi — his lifelong partner and best friend. Their honeymoon consisted of a ride on their Harley Davidson bike from Chicago to Yellowstone National Park. Heidi studied microbiology (I think) at Ball State University. She worked as a flight attendant as she enjoyed travel. Jim traveled a ton as a salesperson — so he and Heidi traveled much both separately and togther. They met at a housing development located not far from O’Hare Airport. They moved around the country — to Toledo, Ohio where Mito was national sales director for a major corporation. Then they moved to Oklahoma City when Mito took another high-powered international sales position. He traveled to sixty countries, setting up food-related systems, including at the Olympics (in Sydney, I think).  Mito had friends all over the world. He and Heidi raised English Mastiff dogs — up to 250 pounds apiece!  Their dogs are national champions.

Rest in peace my dear friend!!!! I love you, my brother!